I Have Returned

Greetings!

So I haven't forgotten about this blog.

I finally had gotten a nice job, seasonal, but it works and pays really well.

My legal issues are behind me, and all I can say about that is 'I won!'.

I plan on updating and adding more to the blog soon so keep in touch!

--Air

Reborn.

That last post I did, as much as I want to, I won't take it down.

I wrote that out of anger, fear, depression...

And as humiliating as it is... It was what I was feeling at the time. I still feel some of those feelings, but for some reason the fates gave me that little hurdle, and I will have to deal with it once it comes at me head on.

For now, I feel better. I am allowing myself to feel better and not get angry with myself.

Today, I feel like my depression is really starting to fade away. Like my shoulders feel lighter and I can breathe again, and see everything clearly without a cloud hanging over my head.

Despite life's hurdles, I can tell myself-- "Everything will be ok."

And with that, I leave with my head held high.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

When life gives you lemons, grab a mother f*cking bat and smash the shit out of them!

Why is it that once you feel you are ahead of life, life decides to through an even bigger curve ball? I know that even this happens, I have a blessed life. I tell everyone close to me that I love them and tell them I appreciate them. But no... it's not good enough for Life.

I mean... I know that I have messed up a LOT since I graduated high school. I know you are supposed to make mistakes but I feel like I get corned and have no way out but to make the bad decision. Like 'I know this is stupid, but I have no other choice.'

Really... I just want to finish school, I want to get a job, and I want to one day be with the guy I have a crush on.

Is it THAT difficult?

I look at the goal, and it just seems so farfetched from what is going.

I lie awake at night, I can't sleep. I can't eat, I constantly shake.

I am 23 and I already have a few gray hairs! I can't even afford hair dye.

I am a burden to my family.

Just someone to wrap their arms around and me tell me, it's going to be ok.

It takes just one person-- one person to mess with your life. Big brother is watching... probably even reading this. I can't even joy anything anymore. I live in constant fear, and I do the best I can to hide it behind my pearly white smile.

School and the Birth of a Desert Witch

Merry Meet!
So today I start my first day back at college, and I am more then excited to start this semester! I am working on a degree in botany, and currently finishing the last of my pre-requisites.

My Bio Notes and Book.

The class that I took today was a biology class, and it is centered around the Sonoran desert which is mainly located in Arizona.

I am partly glad that I am taking this class due to the fact that I get to know more about the land I live in. I grew up in the Pacific Northwest, I can identify the trees and wildlife. So hopefully after this semester I will be able to do the same here, as well as learn more about the ecosystems.

I am also taking Gender in Society, Buried Cities and Lost Tribes, and Abnormal Psychology. I can't wait to start the rest of them.

Cacti in the backyard.

And so begins the Birth of the Desert Witch-- I will see the desert with new eyes. I will feel the power that the desert has to offer as well as proper offerings to the Great Desert and hold her in a new light.

****

So... I thought that the herb satchel was not working properly. Turns out not even using it, I was not getting the proper amount of sleep. I had to force myself to get some extra sleep, and tell myself it was okay to sleep past 8am. I mean-- a few weeks ago I couldn't get up before 1 pm.

I will try and charge the amethyst stone differently, or look into other herbs and stones that will work with what I am trying to accomplish.

-Blessed Be

Herb Satchel and Tarot Cleansing

Prepping the cards and satchel.

Simple Tarot cleansing that I like to use:

Herb:  Mugwort

Directions:  Rub the mugwort onto the cards, imagine the cards being cleansed and charged by the mugwort. You can say a prayer or saying, I will leave that in your capable hands.

My Tarot set.

The satchel I made was for me to sleep better at night. I have had it under my pillow for 2 nights, and sadly I think it back fired on me. ^_^

I was upset at first, but now I realize that everything is trial and error. So I will take note of the time and day, maybe they were conflicting. Or maybe I didn't charge it good enough. I shall ponders for a while and see what I can do.

Ta da! Tarot charged and not so wonderful herb satchel. ^_^



Cleaning Up the Altar and Book Musings--

So today I took a bit of my morning to kinda clean my altar and just freshen it up, you know, change the decor around a little bit. I am not completely satisfied but the energy feels a lot more vibrant.

Top of the altar, here I have small non-traditional symbols for the elements. The Goddess has a small rabbit figurine I purchased from an local artist.

Now, I am quite fond of the cover of Book, I just now need to finish handwriting the pages. I also found a black book I used for sketching while I traveled and I will be putting any ritual notes or changes I need to make for rituals or spells.

Still kind of messy but cleaner than before!

And introducing-- Book! The middle piece I made of polymer clay and created a cute little acorn with spirals. Just need to finish handwriting the pages.

Hopefully I will be able to really clean out my altar-- my altar being a Lane chest that my family and I fixed up.

More to come ^_^!

The Life of Book

Book has been somewhat finished. I ran into some financial issues and a few problems. First, my printer does not print double sided. Took a few minutes to think 'why not just do page protectors?'

Well.... Scrapbook page protectors are expensive. And I didn't realize how many pages I had typed and had to buy more card stock.

After this whole process, I am still missing information I wanted to put in the book. I realize how much information I already know, and don't really need in my book. That by creating and writing Book, I need to figure out what I believe and to really put things in that help me along my journey.

For the information I am missing, I am going to hand write out, and then hand write what I have in Book currently, eventually taking out the plastic page protectors and just have plain ol' good paper pages in my personal handwriting, drawings, diagrams.... all me.

I must say the cosmetics of Book turned out well, and I hope to post a few pics up tomorrow with a hopefully cleaned up altar. Which reminds me I also need to clean up my supplies and take inventory of what I have, what I need and do some budgeting.

Blessed Be--

Doing The Hard Work

Today I spent the majority of my day typing out the pages for Book. I had to gather all my old notes, old hand written books and pages that were meant to be in other books before I was unsatisfied with the results.

I put on the Animal Planet channel and plugged away, happily watching 'My Cat from Hell', enjoying the end of the episode where the cats and their guardians getting along peacefully.

A bowl of raspberries and a smoothie off to the side I spent a few hours typing away. I type fairly fast, but trying to read my old handwriting and glad that I would soon have all of it typed out and easily readable.

One step close to finishing Book!

-I want to finish all the typing by tomorrow, I am already over a few hundred pages.

-Finish the clay work for the front of Book

-Purchase black paper for drawings

-Finish drawings

-Put Book together

Seems like a lot left to do, but one small step at a time.

New Blog Title?

I am thinking of coming up with a new blog name. I just gave it 'Air's Musings' just for temporary title and now I am on the hunt for a new one.

And the quest begins!--

It has been a few days since our return journey home, and I must say I now appreciate everything at home. It is the little things that make a huge difference, from having constant hot water to internet and cell phone reception. Not saying I didn't have fun on the trip, it was a nice break from all of technology and just to relax, yet I felt as if I had just fallen off the face of the earth.

I am not sure where to continue my story, but it did get better once we had gotten to Washington state. My aunt in Washington did not have any running water due to a bathroom rennovation, so Mom, younger sister and I left a day early and went up to Lake Quinalt, Washington. Our cousins from Palm Springs, California where staying up there and recently purchased a summer cabin for their vacations. No cell phone service or internet, just yourself and nature. It was quite beautiful to just lounge around, lay back on the hammock and just watch the lake.

I was able to wildcraft a bit, a dream of mine since I can't really do so in Arizona. They spray everything with pesticides and it's just to damn hot out.

I had collected some huckleberries and some cedar limbs. The huckleberries where a nice treat, I hadn't had any for a long time! Jazzy, my cousins yellow lab, kept trying to take off with the branches and munch on the berries as well. I took the cedar limbs and made them into somewhat 'sage sticks', just with cedar instead.

My first attempt at making them, I can't wait for them to dry so I can try them out. If they don't work out as well, everything is done with trial and error, yes?

We had also gone to the beach, but it's a stone beach called 'Ruby Beach'. Mom had taken us a few years ago and I wanted to return. We hoped that once we had arrived the cloud covered would have burned off, but it's Washington so that means no. I spent a bit of time stacking stone and just watching the waves roll in. I really wanted to fill a small bottle with the ocean water, but the water was like ice and we did not bring any towels.

It was a beautiful time we had spent up in Washington, and it seemed to end too soon. Hopefully the parents will want to move back and I can join them. I truley miss this place that I call home, where it rains constantly, the trees are old and whisper to each other, where the star shines bright and are visible...

Blessed Be--

Road Trip-- Part One

So the trip started off nice. I wasn't able to sleep but I figured I could snooze in the car and then take over driving at night, sparing my mom the strain on her eyes. Right as we finished loading my car-- our source of comfort for the next week or so-- the sun was just peeking over the eastern horizon and I ended up taking a picture of a plant in our front yard. I just happened to be at the right place at the right time, I just captured Nature's true beauty.

We made really good progress trucking it through the rest of Arizona. I had told Mother that I thought it would be cool to see the Hoover Dam, being our last name and all. As my younger sister was passed out in the crammed backseat, we made the decision to see the dam.

Dodging the walking tourists, we putted through the damn. I had seen it once when it was nigthfall, the time I had left my ex (another rant and rave, I'll save you the tall tale), and it was just enjoyable to see it during the day, and really see what I drove through.

We pulled over on one of the allowed pull-out areas and I snapped a photo of the Hoover Damn. I sent a photo to a friend of mine saying 'I am damned', jokingly, the photo being the proof. My Mother and her snap-happy-trigger finger were madly taking photos of the damn. Of course I nodded happily having a stronger camera than my phone, but knew this would eventually come a hinderance as the trip progressed. (And I was right...)

After getting lost in North Las Vegas for an hour, after Mother stopped following the directions and started yelling at Karen that she was wrong-- Karen being what I call my phone when I use the GPS-- as I rolled my eyes and just begged her to listen.

Soon after the incident we were off. My younger sister again passed out in the backseat and my own eyes feeling heavy as well. I attempted to take a snooze, afterall I spent the night packing and too psyched up for the trip. My own doing but nonetheless I felt a nap would satisfy my thirst for sleep. As we kept driving and I started nodding off, a loud un-pleasant sound reached my ears and woke me from sleep. My mother was checking around the slow trucks to see if she could pass. The deep ridges in the middle and to the sides are annoying, yes, but they have a purpose. They are to keep sleepy truck drivers from making a grave mistake. And although I curse the indentations in the road, I knew what there true purpose was and held my tongue.

A few more hours had passed and I have some sleep under my belt. We were close to the town of Ely, Nevada-- where I was going to pick up the driving for the rest of the trip. The sun was just passing over the hills as zipped through Ely and we did the driver exchange, also stretching out the legs of these unseasoned travelers.As we traveled and Mother took a turn sleeping, my sister and I sang along to songs on the radio and chatted about our ventures in World of Warcraft and excited to see what Idaho looked like and the strange woman who we called 'Aunt' (Step Aunt technically...). We reached Boise and soon we were headed to our destination of Weiser, Idaho.

As much as I would like to indulge in our stay with our dearest Aunt, I do not wish to flare the anger that I had to endure. Mother had trained my sister and I well, for we just bite out tongue as Aunt. The one thing I learned from the stay with Aunt, was that despite her temper and flambouyant nature, she had the most beautiful sunflower garden.

Now-- I have to leave as we are getting ready to leave for Washington state, our final desination in the trip before we return home. I am not certain if we have internet or not, but I will be taking photos and documenting the trip.

--Blessed Be 

Packing

So, of course I am too excited to actually sleep. Then again I am a night owl, wishing I could bask in the glorious rays of the sun, yet my body betrays me and tells me to sleep until 2pm. *sigh*

 Anyways, I decided to pack somewhat of a spiritual kit (I wouldn't call it a mini altar or traveling altar).

I included:  My tarot cards and companioning silk cloth, a rabbit carving, clear quartz crystal, citrine, and amethyst stones, tea light, lighter, old pill box with ceremonial salt, and an empty glass bottle that I wish to fill with Pacific Ocean water.

I will also be bringing a small sketch kit, hopefully I will get some ideas for images that will go in Book.

Along with that, I am just really looking forward to taking the time to actually relax. Despite being unemployed, I feel like I haven't really taken the time to relax, let me muscles unwind, not really having a care in the world, and just getting to see Mother Nature in her finest-- the place I still and will always call home-- the Pacific Northwest.

I could really go on for hours just explaining why I love it up there, but really if you haven't been, dearest reader, go up. The smell of the air, the ways the ground feels under your feet, and also I don't need sunglasses to go everywhere.

Okay, enough of my late night chatting and back to packing!

Blessed Be--

Wand in the Works

Today I spent a great deal of time getting the ornaments for my wand. I probably spent a good 3-4 hours working on it, warming up the clay in my fingers and creating the spirals that would adorn it. I also had bought some flat back crystals and would hid some gaps and some extra ornamentation.

Along with the spirals and small orange crystals, I had found a few clear quartz crystals at a gem shop here in Arizona. I placed a large one at the end and a smaller one on the side.

I was a little leery about actually placing the wand in the oven. What if it caught on fire? What if the wood split? What if the crystals melted? So I lowered the required temp by 30 degrees and lowered the minutes by 10. Every 5 mintues or so I would check on it to see if any disaster might occur.

To my amusement, it did not. I was rather pleased with the outcome and I cannot wait to finish once I return from the long road trip back from Washington.

 I will also be gladly posting more blogs and photos from the trip. My laptop and phone are a must! Mainly my phone is tied to my hip so I can take photos, a digital camera is going to be on my christmas list this year. Not that I need technology all the time but rather it's nice to in the right spot at the right time to get a nice jaw-dropping photo that will be a welcomed memory for years to come. Technology dependency? Not this gal. But sadly in this day and age it is a nessecity versus dependency. I am sure I will rant and rave about that later.

Blessed Be--

Getting my fingers dirty---

Today I was busy away crafting and starting the begining stages of tools.

I spent the most of the morning, de-barking and shaving down the stick for new wand. I spend a good few hours while I watched some tv, mainly reruns of Anthony Bordain's No Reservations and giggling at his sense of humor.

After about 2 hours and the largest pile of shaving I have ever created and mostly satisfied with my work, I began the grueling task of sanding my wand. After about 5 minutes I was covered in sawdust as well as my poor cat who, Tigger (lilac-point siamese, and don't let the blue eyes fool you!) was cleaning himself at my feet. I couldn't resist and spent a few minutes playing with him before going back to my work. In total I spent about 3 hours on my wand. And I didn't even put the adornments on, mainly since I know that will take even longer to do. I really want to take my time on this wand, and make it a work of art that I can keep and treasure of many years to come.

Finishing my goal for my wand, I knew I had to finish my ink before my family and I went on our annual roadtrip to Washington. I used some of the shaving from the wand I was making, as well as Calendula (marigold), Mugwort, and Jasmine. I used a clean jar I had gotten at Micheals for 0.49 cents (can you say bargin?) and crushed the herbs with my motar and pestle. I place the herbs inside of the little jar and then covered them in the black ink.

The purpose of this ink is to write the spell pages in Book. And after writing said pages, if there is any ink left, I would like to use for when I need to write in spell casting. I would have loved to make my own natural ink but one thing kept bugging me in my mind-- I wanted to create this book to hand down or atleast last a long time. So I wanted to use an ink that would stay well and last through the ages of time. I know it won't last forever but atleast be able to withstand me.

More Pages for Book--Inside Look

More pages for Book!--

I just finished staining and enchanting a few more pages for my book! This time I was able to get a few more pages done. I could have done more, but I don't want to mass produce these pages. I want to take my time, making sure that they turn out correctly and feel right.

It is sort of like making bread. Having the right pure ingredients. Then having to put them altogether to the best outcome. And don't forget to add in the extra little something-- Love. I feel like that adds a bit more to my book. It is a reflection of me and my love.

Not trying to get all 'Fluffy Bunny' on the subject but I do feel as if it something that many people forget to add into their daily lives. I suppose I can rant on that later, but here is glimpse into the process of these magickal pages:

The herb selection:  Lavendar, Mugwort and Hibiscus. Be careful with the Hibiscus, it adds a red tinge in to the stain. I like adding just a few small spoonfuls.

I just use Folger's coffee, I drink tea not coffee, so I used my parent's coffee that was available.

Next, I crushed the herb using my motar and pestle, and I loved how the herb just filled the room!

After crushing them I put them in an empty tea bag, I had a little extra so I placed it in a jar for my next batch of pages.
I let them bag soak into the coffee for a while, letting the herbs and coffee infuse. I could start seeing some of the red from the hibiscus I had placed in there and I knew it was time to start painting the pages.

I used a brush that was very fluffy at the end to help suck up all the soaking juices. I could also use a sponge but I feared that might have soaked the pages too much. I will coat one side and then flip and do the other side. I use a cream colored cardstock; the cardstock helps from keeping the paper ripping from being wet and will help the pages in Book last longer than normal thin paper.

My last batch I had made a total of 8 pages. This time I was able to make 14 pages. The reason to this was the garbage bag I used. I used a small white kitchen bag to protect the counter. This time I used an extra large black bag to protect the counter. So I had a larger working area. Once the pages dried, I wiped down the sack and set it outside to dry-- this way I could just reuse the bag. Currently I am redrying out the herbs so that I might use it them for an offering once Book is finished.

I let the paper dry for a few days, I find that after a few hours I can stack them together and place them uncovered in a dry, well vented area. During the drying process, the paper will look kinda funky, but after the paper is fully dried it will have a nice and even color.

So there you have it. An inside look to how the spell paper is made. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. Now I am off for some typing to finish the heart of Book.

Blessed Be, my friends.

Book Update

Book Update--

I have done atleast 8 pages of 'enchanted parchement'. These pages I will be using to write actually spells in, since the rest of my book will be hand written. (I do plan on adding more, possibly tomorrow.)

Getting ready for the soak.

I used an already dark paper, a cream cardstock. I used cardstock because it is more durable and long lasting than regular printer paper. So these pages will last me awhile.

I put coffee grounds, mugwort, hibiscus, and lavendar in an empty tea pouch and let them soak in a boiling hot water. Letting the herbs infused into the water and coffee helped, along with a prayer, help set the tone for these pages.

I will be blessing an ink that I have to write each of the spells, but this portion I want to save and be the last part that I work in the book. Mainly because I want to take my time and edit any parts in it.

What's in a name--

I have yet to name this book. I know most Wiccans and/or Witches just call theirs 'Book of Shadows'. Although that is traditional, I don't really follow down that path. I feel as if I am still starting out and haven't found my true self yet to be set in ways. I have a lot of pathworking ahead of me...

I have fell in love with a blogger who calls their's 'Book of Cunning' which I love very much. 'Grimoire' is another one...

For now I lovingly call it 'Book', until a name is either drawn to me or I find one that suits it.

Blessed Be!--

A treasure found..

My mom has recently taken the liking to consignment shops. Meaning she can sell some of her old vintage items and house them in a shop where her and the seller make small profit. I love this idea, especially for my mom's sake who happens to collect massive amounts of trinks. And sadly I seem to be treading in the same path. Well, the other day she happened across her old handmade doilies (I am hoping that is the correct spelling...), ones she had as a small child and ones that family members before her hand made. As she sent them on the counter and told me of their soon to be journey over to the shop I haulted her-- I had to have these.

The main reson for me wanting these items were so that not only I would enjoy them, but possibly my successors too. These would make wonderful hand-me-downs for my children (if I ever have any).

So for now, I will use them on my altar and throughout my room, to add some color and flare. There are a few I might switch out depending on the season.

The somewhat moral of this post-- check your mom's hands before she decides to sell treasure.

Book of Shadows, Status: Ideas.

Ok, so last night I ended up staying up until 9 am.
For the record, I don't want to do that again unless a big game comes out like I did with diablo.


Anyways, moving on--
I am excited that I get a free day tomorrow, and hopefully I will have all the typed portion for my Book of Shadows completed. I am typing the main portion, that way if something happens to the book it won't be a loss or if I need to give someone a copy of something, it will be that much easier. I also have so much information, it would take years for me to hand write every single little detail I wish to put in there.

I plan on handwriting all of the spells for the book. I have a nice set of pens and archival inks and I want to make the book as personal as I can. I also have some left over herbs from a vacation in Washington that I wanted to infuse with the paper (doing a type of tea staining on the paper) and also infusing the ink with it as well, to make the page more personal and somewhat magickally charging the paper.

I have spent so long trying to figure out how I wanted to do this book, I just feel like completing will help me feel somewhat whole, and I could always change the book later in life where I see it needs fit, I have just put if off for far to long. I will take some pics and happily post them up on here to show progress.

*cracks knuckles* Busy day tomorrow!