Reborn.

That last post I did, as much as I want to, I won't take it down.

I wrote that out of anger, fear, depression...

And as humiliating as it is... It was what I was feeling at the time. I still feel some of those feelings, but for some reason the fates gave me that little hurdle, and I will have to deal with it once it comes at me head on.

For now, I feel better. I am allowing myself to feel better and not get angry with myself.

Today, I feel like my depression is really starting to fade away. Like my shoulders feel lighter and I can breathe again, and see everything clearly without a cloud hanging over my head.

Despite life's hurdles, I can tell myself-- "Everything will be ok."

And with that, I leave with my head held high.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

When life gives you lemons, grab a mother f*cking bat and smash the shit out of them!

Why is it that once you feel you are ahead of life, life decides to through an even bigger curve ball? I know that even this happens, I have a blessed life. I tell everyone close to me that I love them and tell them I appreciate them. But no... it's not good enough for Life.

I mean... I know that I have messed up a LOT since I graduated high school. I know you are supposed to make mistakes but I feel like I get corned and have no way out but to make the bad decision. Like 'I know this is stupid, but I have no other choice.'

Really... I just want to finish school, I want to get a job, and I want to one day be with the guy I have a crush on.

Is it THAT difficult?

I look at the goal, and it just seems so farfetched from what is going.

I lie awake at night, I can't sleep. I can't eat, I constantly shake.

I am 23 and I already have a few gray hairs! I can't even afford hair dye.

I am a burden to my family.

Just someone to wrap their arms around and me tell me, it's going to be ok.

It takes just one person-- one person to mess with your life. Big brother is watching... probably even reading this. I can't even joy anything anymore. I live in constant fear, and I do the best I can to hide it behind my pearly white smile.

School and the Birth of a Desert Witch

Merry Meet!
So today I start my first day back at college, and I am more then excited to start this semester! I am working on a degree in botany, and currently finishing the last of my pre-requisites.

My Bio Notes and Book.

The class that I took today was a biology class, and it is centered around the Sonoran desert which is mainly located in Arizona.

I am partly glad that I am taking this class due to the fact that I get to know more about the land I live in. I grew up in the Pacific Northwest, I can identify the trees and wildlife. So hopefully after this semester I will be able to do the same here, as well as learn more about the ecosystems.

I am also taking Gender in Society, Buried Cities and Lost Tribes, and Abnormal Psychology. I can't wait to start the rest of them.

Cacti in the backyard.

And so begins the Birth of the Desert Witch-- I will see the desert with new eyes. I will feel the power that the desert has to offer as well as proper offerings to the Great Desert and hold her in a new light.

****

So... I thought that the herb satchel was not working properly. Turns out not even using it, I was not getting the proper amount of sleep. I had to force myself to get some extra sleep, and tell myself it was okay to sleep past 8am. I mean-- a few weeks ago I couldn't get up before 1 pm.

I will try and charge the amethyst stone differently, or look into other herbs and stones that will work with what I am trying to accomplish.

-Blessed Be

Herb Satchel and Tarot Cleansing

Prepping the cards and satchel.

Simple Tarot cleansing that I like to use:

Herb:  Mugwort

Directions:  Rub the mugwort onto the cards, imagine the cards being cleansed and charged by the mugwort. You can say a prayer or saying, I will leave that in your capable hands.

My Tarot set.

The satchel I made was for me to sleep better at night. I have had it under my pillow for 2 nights, and sadly I think it back fired on me. ^_^

I was upset at first, but now I realize that everything is trial and error. So I will take note of the time and day, maybe they were conflicting. Or maybe I didn't charge it good enough. I shall ponders for a while and see what I can do.

Ta da! Tarot charged and not so wonderful herb satchel. ^_^



Cleaning Up the Altar and Book Musings--

So today I took a bit of my morning to kinda clean my altar and just freshen it up, you know, change the decor around a little bit. I am not completely satisfied but the energy feels a lot more vibrant.

Top of the altar, here I have small non-traditional symbols for the elements. The Goddess has a small rabbit figurine I purchased from an local artist.

Now, I am quite fond of the cover of Book, I just now need to finish handwriting the pages. I also found a black book I used for sketching while I traveled and I will be putting any ritual notes or changes I need to make for rituals or spells.

Still kind of messy but cleaner than before!

And introducing-- Book! The middle piece I made of polymer clay and created a cute little acorn with spirals. Just need to finish handwriting the pages.

Hopefully I will be able to really clean out my altar-- my altar being a Lane chest that my family and I fixed up.

More to come ^_^!

The Life of Book

Book has been somewhat finished. I ran into some financial issues and a few problems. First, my printer does not print double sided. Took a few minutes to think 'why not just do page protectors?'

Well.... Scrapbook page protectors are expensive. And I didn't realize how many pages I had typed and had to buy more card stock.

After this whole process, I am still missing information I wanted to put in the book. I realize how much information I already know, and don't really need in my book. That by creating and writing Book, I need to figure out what I believe and to really put things in that help me along my journey.

For the information I am missing, I am going to hand write out, and then hand write what I have in Book currently, eventually taking out the plastic page protectors and just have plain ol' good paper pages in my personal handwriting, drawings, diagrams.... all me.

I must say the cosmetics of Book turned out well, and I hope to post a few pics up tomorrow with a hopefully cleaned up altar. Which reminds me I also need to clean up my supplies and take inventory of what I have, what I need and do some budgeting.

Blessed Be--

Doing The Hard Work

Today I spent the majority of my day typing out the pages for Book. I had to gather all my old notes, old hand written books and pages that were meant to be in other books before I was unsatisfied with the results.

I put on the Animal Planet channel and plugged away, happily watching 'My Cat from Hell', enjoying the end of the episode where the cats and their guardians getting along peacefully.

A bowl of raspberries and a smoothie off to the side I spent a few hours typing away. I type fairly fast, but trying to read my old handwriting and glad that I would soon have all of it typed out and easily readable.

One step close to finishing Book!

-I want to finish all the typing by tomorrow, I am already over a few hundred pages.

-Finish the clay work for the front of Book

-Purchase black paper for drawings

-Finish drawings

-Put Book together

Seems like a lot left to do, but one small step at a time.

New Blog Title?

I am thinking of coming up with a new blog name. I just gave it 'Air's Musings' just for temporary title and now I am on the hunt for a new one.

And the quest begins!--

It has been a few days since our return journey home, and I must say I now appreciate everything at home. It is the little things that make a huge difference, from having constant hot water to internet and cell phone reception. Not saying I didn't have fun on the trip, it was a nice break from all of technology and just to relax, yet I felt as if I had just fallen off the face of the earth.

I am not sure where to continue my story, but it did get better once we had gotten to Washington state. My aunt in Washington did not have any running water due to a bathroom rennovation, so Mom, younger sister and I left a day early and went up to Lake Quinalt, Washington. Our cousins from Palm Springs, California where staying up there and recently purchased a summer cabin for their vacations. No cell phone service or internet, just yourself and nature. It was quite beautiful to just lounge around, lay back on the hammock and just watch the lake.

I was able to wildcraft a bit, a dream of mine since I can't really do so in Arizona. They spray everything with pesticides and it's just to damn hot out.

I had collected some huckleberries and some cedar limbs. The huckleberries where a nice treat, I hadn't had any for a long time! Jazzy, my cousins yellow lab, kept trying to take off with the branches and munch on the berries as well. I took the cedar limbs and made them into somewhat 'sage sticks', just with cedar instead.

My first attempt at making them, I can't wait for them to dry so I can try them out. If they don't work out as well, everything is done with trial and error, yes?

We had also gone to the beach, but it's a stone beach called 'Ruby Beach'. Mom had taken us a few years ago and I wanted to return. We hoped that once we had arrived the cloud covered would have burned off, but it's Washington so that means no. I spent a bit of time stacking stone and just watching the waves roll in. I really wanted to fill a small bottle with the ocean water, but the water was like ice and we did not bring any towels.

It was a beautiful time we had spent up in Washington, and it seemed to end too soon. Hopefully the parents will want to move back and I can join them. I truley miss this place that I call home, where it rains constantly, the trees are old and whisper to each other, where the star shines bright and are visible...

Blessed Be--